Goodness I feel like I have so many things to catch up on, and let you all in on :)
Sometimes life throws you a curve ball and you can get down on yourself and without even trying, bring others down with you... well, that is what normally happens.
This time, that is not the case. We knew very early on that it was going to be hard to try and have a baby, due to circumstances that were out of our control. So, recently we decided to figure out "how hard" it would actually be to conceive. Once I made the doctors appointment, it was a thrilling and exciting feeling. Then, we went to the appointment, took the day off and drove 45 minutes to Frisco to a Wonderful fertility urologist, Dr. Jeffrey Buch. When there we had some analysis done and given a very strong antibiotic for Cesar to take to see if we would be able to improve our chances, and told to come back in one month for the results. So, the medicine was intense for C, it caused pain, made him sick, it was not fun. We had remained extremely optimistic and encouraged that this might.just.be the thing we needed to do, to have a baby.
Flash back to this last Monday, we found out that, it is out of our control, the meds did not work and we will have to go through with ANOTHER procedure. This is very costly and quite frankly after hearing that, C was really down about the financial aspect and the urgency of needing this surgery.... that is about it.
Now, I am being very honest and basically putting that out there, to follow up with my next thoughts...
This could be something that, can really make or break you, or simply give you more motivation to live your life fully,pray,hope, and dream. We are choosing, all the latter.I told Cesar, I felt like God would not have given us a challenge we cannot handle, and to imagine, when we do conceive how wonderful it will feel to know that we were being given the ultimate reward in life.
See, Cesar and I already have a daughter (my step-daughter) that we have raised together since she was 9 and we have both worked really incredibly hard to give her everything she needs, provide a stable and encouraging life, and keep her happy (not hard to do) :). We wish that we would have been able to have her from the time we were together in 2007, and she was around 6. But, I know that God was preparing us and allowing us to learn each other and about each other before we were allowed to raise her as a family unit, together. The day she came to us was very unexpected and there was a lot of pain and explanation to a sweet little girl that needed to be said. She was about to experience a loss, that C, nor I had ever gone through..
When I was 18, my father died...that was hard, but knowing that Alexandria was not physically loosing, but, loosing her mother in lies, deceit and many other forms of negativity, was much harder for us to see and feel. We knew that she was going to need all of our love and support and encouragement. It was not an easy process, but we have so much family in our lives that has supported, backed-up us and all decisions we make and to encourage us to stay the parents we have learned and grown to be.
I believe that,even though God has not given us our own child yet, it was because he knew that we needed to be 1,000,000,000 percent focused on bringing a normal, stable life to our daughter.
Now, Alexandria is 13, she is a beautiful daughter and honestly the brightest light to our lives, aside from our love for one another. I know that another addition will be such a blessing to all three of our lives, Cesar even suggested, that maybe our chance has us waiting patiently because God knows that our child will change many lives...
Cesar asked me, what and why I finally decided to try to conceive, and if I "was not ready" before. PSSSHHHT, that was the opposite. I feel like, we both know Alexandria is a brilliant child and she will be the best sister ever, but also, that we are ready to be able to reward ourselves with a beautiful child of our own. I honestly do believe we deserve this, and I hope that we are able to continue this process and journey to having our own sweet baby.
Until then, we are focusing on our small family of 6 lol, the three humans, and three best kitties in the world!
If you pray, please pray for our family and a smooth journey into expanding our family!
If you have made it this far, thank you for listening.
Love your life, pray and be thankful for everyone in it...you never know who you will lose.. or gain.
-Brittney :)
I know we are not the only ones in the baby battle, and if you are one like us, I will always stay hopeful for you and yours...
